Mark 14:36 And He said, “Abba Father, all things are possible to Thee. Remove this cup from me, yet not what I will, but what You will.
Ever reached this position where you just felt it was almost enough? That there’s just that proportion you could take? That it was hard? That your heart was heavy? Well, I truly have felt this way in the recent past and I was now at a point of breaking down. Sometimes things happen to us that we don’t even get to understand. We think we are at fault in every way over faults we cannot even find! The only best way I would actually get to express this is here and now! Writing! Let us smile. 🙂
So there are times I have really gotten to suffer. I had resentment and anger, that little by little had began to develop into hate. Generally, I worked through it but it was getting difficult by the day. But for obvious reasons, the trigger needed to be pulled for me to have some more alertness to the issue.
While I was at work yesterday, I seemed to have a very good day until…………………………….
Because of the ordeals, because of accusations, because of so much more, I began to feel like I didn’t want to work there anymore. Besides, I had stopped giving it my best. My mind was clogged with thoughts, I didn’t seem to find a way to make it any better. My performance, everything that was good had gone bad already, but the most serious thing is that at the time, I had began not to care about it at all.
From a very honest point of view about self, I’m not the kind not to care… Actually, I’m the kind that cares too much. Extremely so I do not want to imagine what had began to become of me. I would want to write and write about a lot and about the change in attitude and about how hard headed I would have become had I not had someone to vent to. It’d probably would have been a different, sour story.
I wanted to quit! I wanted to just be! I wanted to just have everyone let me be! I was tired… Ah ah! It gets to this point. Calm turns to sadness, then to rage, then to hate!
Someone however did return my question for a question that left me dumb founded for a while. “Now that you are angry, now that you already feel so much hate, now that you cannot love these difficult people, what would Jesus have you do?”
Sometimes we’d want to have ourselves justified. Even by the Lord Himself. We’d want Him telling us things like “I know you hate her/him. I understand. It is okay to stay angry. It is okay to ignore them while they talk to you. It is okay to walk away while they speak. Shout at them. Gossip. Let others know how bad they are. Give them silent treatment. I know you’re hurt, so i understand.”
Fortunately or unfortunately, Jesus is love and He wants us to reciprocate anger, hate, silent treatment, snobs and so much more we want to do to feel justified, all with love. That is what He would have you do. Thinking of it this way, I feel relieved. I feel a call in me to humble myself a little more. A call to just let go and just love.
I know I’m not the only one with this kind of struggle. Many are actually out there wanting so much to take revenge. Jesus would only have you love and nothing else but love.
Lord, it is heavy not only on me but for many others out there. We want to vent so angrily. We want to revenge and want to feel so good because we hate those that hurt us. But because You want us to be love like You and to love, please saturate our hearts and minds with only good thoughts of love so that we be love! Have your way! Let Your will be done Master! Alleluia.
From my heart to yours. 🙂 Let us smile together… 🙂 🙂